Midnight Fiction: Jay-Z meets Robinson Cano
Imagine my excitement yesterday when news broke that Jay-Z had signed Yankees second baseman, and soon to be free agent Robinson Cano to Roc Nation Sports. Finally, a way to interpret Jay-Z the sports agent through Jay-Z the legendary rapper. Here’s how I assume the first meeting between Cano and his new agent went:
Jay-Z: Hey fella, I been watching you clockin’.
Cano: Who me? Holding down the team while everyone’s hurt, it ain’t nothin’. You the man, Jigga, stop frontin’.
Jay-Z: Hahahh I like your style.
Cano: Nah, I like YO’ style.
Jay-Z: Let’s drive around.
Cano: Cool, Jigga.
Jay-Z: Here’s a thou’.
Cano: A G? I sign with you for free.
Jay-Z: Have it all. Now listen to me, you let them other guys like Jeter and A-Rod get the name, skip the fame, ten thou’ or a hundred g, keep yo’ shit the same.
Cano: On the low?
Jay-Z: Yeah, the only way to blow. You let your shit bubble quietly…
Cano: AND THEN YOU BLOW!
Jay-Z: That’s right. Just tell me what you are looking for. If you need a no-trade clause. Check. You want all your money up-front. Check.
Cano: You can get me all that?
Jay-Z: I sell ice in the winter, I sell fire in hell. I’m a hustler baby, I sell water to a well.
Cano: We ever settle if that was well or whale?
Jay-Z: Forget about that and focus on the details. We need to smarten up. Here’s what we do, let’s open the market up. One million, two million, three million, four. I guarantee you, in eighteen months, eighty million more.
Cano: Sounds good, let’s get all this shit done today, where and when do I sign?
Jay-Z: Hey, keep your cool, the only way to peep a fool is to let him show his hand, then you play your cards.
Cano: Then he through dealin’ I understand.
Jay-Z: Don’t blow your dough on hotties.
Cano: The only think I got in this world is my word and my bat and I don’t break ‘em for nobody.
Jay-Z: Hah, I like your resume, pick a day when you want negotiations to start.
Cano: From now until death do us apart..
